Once again unable to sleep, I lay in bed thinking... And what interesting things have come to mind. A lot has been going on in my life lately, and many changes have occurred, and have yet to come to light. But I think of where I am, where I was, and where I am going - and I have realized something. But first, I have to mention where I have been. The last few years have been very busy as well. I have gone through some big career changes, and bought my own place. However, I have deep down noticed that I have not been myself. I never really actually came to realize it, but deep down, I knew all this time that something was not right. Now, it is coming to light. I just hope the future remains so bright...

   Deep down inside, I am a very happy, go-lucky type person. I always really was, as a kid. Very inquizitive, always skeptable, knowledge-hungry, and eager to jump into just about any situation. Always seeing the best of just about anything in life. That is who I am, at my very soul. However, I can see that this is not how I have been the last few years. In fact, the last time I can remember being truly happy in my life was in 1994. Back then, life was good, and I was very happy. Since then, even though certain situations have much improved, I have not been very happy. There have been certain times where I came closer, and believe me, I could tell an improvement, but not quite there. During those periods, I would just start to come alive, and be me once again - full of life. I would lose weight without even trying, I would smile a lot more, and just generally be happier. Recently, I have felt another one of these upswings. And it is obvious why. My love life has finally taken a change, and I have once again opened my heart up to wonderful possibilities and future scenerios. For once, I knew what I wanted, and saw myself finally coming closer to my true goals in life, and someone to share it with. This, in itself, is enough to take one's spirit flying higher than the sky. However, things did not work out as such. Crushing, you would think? Well, it was a possibility I was very much looking forward to giving a chance, and I am dissapointed that the opportunity is no longer available, but I am left still in a much better state than when I started. Despite this, I still feel my inner soul peering through the gloom which has been keeping me down for years. So, even though I may have suffered a blow to my dreams and aspiritions, at the same time, my inner soul has been awakened, and I feel so much more alive then ever. Not only that, but I have gained a good friend, hopefully one for life. It is easy to say that much more good has come of this than bad. I know you never indended to hurt me - but thank you very much, Peppermint! I will love you always!