I had that talk with Laurie tonight. It seems that things with her and the other guy have gotten more serious, and she wishes to pursuit a future with him. This is kind of what I expected to happen, ever since things I mentioned in entry 14. Yet, it still hits home. Had things been different, something more could have happened. Yet, his moving in had been planned before her and I had started anything - so that was unavoidable - and she always had the feeling for him for quite some time. So, all I can say is that I hope she finds happiness. I do not regret having fallen for her, nor anything we have done. If anything, I feel bad for having put her in this situation which I know has caused her quite a bit of pain. At least the wondering and hoping is over - and we can both move on with out lives. At least she will remain a very good friend.

   It's been strange lately. How I feel about her, versus knowing what I must have been putting her through. But then again, I did not know where things would go for sure. I knew she had some pretty strong feelings for me, but I was not sure about how strong things were the other way - all I knew about was the history she's told me. I have fallen hard. She was someone whom I wanted to share myself with, and be just as an important part of her life. But it seems the timing for this is just not right. It is most unfortunate, but I am glad things have worked out. I will miss her, and what could have been. But even so - at least we can both move on and not dwell. No more wondering if she would up and relocate here. No more trying to look for a position in Clearwater - relocating myself up there. No more wondering if we would both relocate to a different region. But no more hopes, eithter. But there is always the future. Perhaps I will find someone else. Perhaps fate will bring her back to me. Perhaps - that's the thing about the future - you never know. For now, time to concentrate on what is in front of me. Fixing the truck, the new job. The rest will fit in somewhere. Time to rest.